well, i suppose we'll start with britney...

did you watch that documentary on mtv the other night? you did, just admit it. 'no questions went unanswered. no topic was off limits.' really? REALLY? then where were the questions about adnan? about the hospital visits? why didn't we get a real answer about her shaving her head because her whole, 'a lot of people shave their heads' is bullshit and everyone knows it. she does, her 'interviewer' does, and we all do. for more of what i think about this 'expose,' go to

www.fourfour.typepad.com

i agree with him. in other, related, news, i bought a couple songs from her new album. i'll defend myself with the 'it's good to work out to, repetitive, basic, i don't think about her silly lyrics,' but they are awful damn catchy.

onto more important topics, however...the election came and went, my very first election. and while i wouldn't say i got totally into it, as i'm still a fairly apolitical person, i did get really excited, and i did get some tears in my eyes when obama got elected. and i'm looking forward to the future. even though we are officially in a recession, for some reason, there's still hope there. and that reason is obama. and i think to a certain extent, the young people, my generation. i think we're all worried about money, but we've all got the optimism and positivity to sorta sit back and be happy that we have our jobs, however meaningless they sometimes seem, and however burnt out we sometimes feel.

i watched that funny or die video today, about prop 8, etc. (look it up--it's got jack black as jesus. you can't miss it.) gay marriage can save the economy!

i feel stuck in columbia these days, but not necessarily in a bad way even. there are reasons for me to be here. i really want to enroll in cosmetology school in the spring and of course there just so happens to be a very qualified one right by my apartment! isn't that neat? so i'm trying to save up money in order to do that in the spring. at the same time, i'm trying to make rent this month. now is probably not the time to be saving up for some seemingly-impossible goal. oh well. i've never been one for timing. it IS exciting realizing what i want to do in life, however. for the first time, really, in twenty four years. so i'll stay in columbia, with my little job and my little income, and i'm grateful. and we'll see where it goes.

and i'm going to go ahead and say something really really cheesy and that is there exists no recession in my heart. i'm rich in pretty much every other way but the obvious. i love my little family here. my cat, my dog, my boyfriend. visits with my mom, who's become a friend as we've aged. the occasional but always necessary talk with old friends, caitlin, sean, everyone who knows me best and knows the real me. my faraway friends. for as slow as people say southern people are, they don't seem to take the time to get to know anyone.

which i believe i've touched on before in this very blog!! wow!

either which way, that was my itty bitty catch-up blog. une autre bientot, je vous promets.

a votre!

july 19th?!

i haven't blogged since july 19th and that is fucking stupid-long. if i didn't have to head to work in approx. 20 minutes (thus a pressing necessity for pre-work smokes), i would blog today, by golly! but again, fair (or fairweather) readers, you shall have to wait for all my words of wisdom(and all the other ones, also). i am in a parenthetical kinda mood this afternoon. perhaps tomorrow, i will be more clear-headed (and easier to read?)

only time will tell...

la patience est un vertu...

vote!

so i know i haven't blogged in forever ever ever, but i will really quick here to tell all who reads this to please vote for me in this silly little 'campaign' on brickfish.com!

i could win a trip for two to nyc, clothing from project runway winner christian siriano ('fierce!'), and styling by the project runway stylists. you can vote at least every day, so do !!

thank you!

http://www.brickfish.com/edzunker

i know, it's been awhile.

patience, my friends.

i haven't been writing, because i've been WORKING. a lot. and when i'm not working, all i want to do is hang out with my family, my boyfriend, outdoors, at the pool, in the sunshine. so hanging out on a computer all day isn't appealing. yet. as the weather continues to heat up, trapping myself indoors will probably sound like a fantastic idea. fuck, i always forget how hot it gets here. every summer seems like it MUST be more humid than the one before. the memories we repress, i suppose...

a thought to end this entry:
kaitlin said something last night about how we should be honest and brutal with our opinions. we all sorta assumed she meant towards the customers. a ridiculous request is responded to with a scoff and a rolling of the eyes, that sort of thing. but she meant towards each other. which almost seems like a good idea, but on a night like last night, i think it would have ended up in one of a few scenarios: a firing, a quitting, a bitch slap, verbal abuse, and/or tears. there's always something so stressful about working in a restaurant. and especially when it's busy. and especially when it's understaffed. and especially when the same few people have to see each other almost every single day. i work almost every day and last night, i couldn't get to sleep without at least five different 'server nightmares.' i guess that's why waiter rant exists, though. so people don't have to be honest and brutal to someone's face, they can do it anonymously on the internet. and i guess that kind of liberty would be nice, but i don't think i have anything terribly mean to say to anyone. i just wish i had the power to tell people to get over themselves and work together as a team and i would get some sort of reaction, some real response.

i wish people would listen.

so i guess that's why i have my blog. to get it out there and feel like i've made some small contribution. i don't have the balls to say it to someone's face, someone with whom i have to work almost every single day, but i have the balls to at least say it. and i guess that's something...?

au pouvoir, mes amis, le pouvoir de changement.

i want a garden

i've been reading this blog all day:
eating-in.blogspot.com

just some girl who writes about food, basically. reviews some restaurants, posts recipes (and mouthwatering photos!), etc. she's from (?) south carolina, and i wish she would come back to solstice again...she had a sorta mini-review of her experience way back in '06. we have new dishes, random south carolina blogger girl! ask for emma!

anyway. the weather's gotten super nice these days and i've been spending all my free time at the pool. which isn't necessarily the best for my gym time, but is for my mental stability. sometimes you just want to lay in the sunshine all.day.long. i know i do. and now, armed with three new bikinis i justified myself into buying yesterday, i will continue to practically live poolside. delicious.

becca's in town for a couple days, which is really nice. my mother, sister, and i haven't been in the same town for an extended period of time for...well, an extended period of time. we're coming to the restaurant this evening together for a girl's night out/mother's day celebration. it promises to be fabulous.

other than that, not a whole lot going on. nate and i have been looking and kittens and puppies online (and occasionally in real life), which is a tortuous joy. torture, because we really don't need any more animals. yet joyful, because they're really fucking cute. i'm not trying to be insenstive or morbid but next two pets=a dilute calico kitten and a young bernese mountain dog.

hair appointment tomorrow. hopefully we'll get the back blonde this time, plus a trim, maybe some highlights? my hair involves a lot of maintenance, but i don't mind a bit, something i would never have imagined myself experiencing. it's my one big splurge, my hair. fun times.

and with that, i'm out.
paix, mes amis.

voila!

a couple pictures of the new 'do:





it looks great in black and white (but what doesn't?) and in the color photos, it's actually gotten lighter, brighter, and less sorta' yellowy.

i think i'm going to do white blonde pieces in it next time i go in, be a blondie for about two months or so, then i'm guessing i'll get bored. maybe auburn next?

i like it, i think it's kinda edgy and different and interesting, although my mother detests it. thanks again for all the fantastic POSITIVE feedback!

bottom line, it's HAIR. it grows, it changes, and it's fun. i'm excited.

i want a macbook for my birthday

it's a sunny day here in the south. but it's not super-hot and humid yet. i would love to hang out on the balcony and smoke a cigarette and drink an icy cocktail on a day like today.

i'm listening to cut copy, a group that's been growing on for the past couple weeks. i have a day off from work.

i recently saw one of my best friends, sean, who i met in france. he came down from boston (!) on thursday, we had a fun day together on friday, getting our nails done, huge cappuccinos, hanging with my mom, and watching fun reality television. then stephenie came to visit and nate came home from work and we all went to dinner across the street and ate tons of good food, drank delicious wine, played games, shared stories, and caught up with one another. a night with three of the coolest and most important people in my life these days. it doesn't get a whole lot better than that.

i find myself repeating that line 'i have a friend in town this week,' or 'i'm headed to [insert place that's not here] for the weekend' or some twist on those words more and more often. and i'm not trying to say that everyone here sucks, i just don't see myself forming those kind of friendships, the ones that matter, the ones that last longer than a night of drinks, the ones that involve people who actually do call when they say they will, the ones that go beyond something i see recurring on a very regular basis, that southern superficiality.

this is not a rant. this is not to say that i have cut myself off from any opportunity to form the friendships that matter here where i live, because i want them, i welcome them, i try to encourage them, i would adore experiencing them here. it just doesn't seem to happen.

i'm not writing this to judge those who are okay with having the relationships they do have with people. to each his own. if you like this friendship light, this diet friendship with those around you and you're totally content, then who am i to say that's not the right thing for you?

it's just not right for me. the people with whom i do have relationships have spoiled me in a way that makes me expect more from people. they've spoiled me to an extent that when you don't live up to those expectations, i'm going to continue to cling on to the people whom i've loved for years, those people who live up to the expectations, the guy who drives down from boston, the old friend who calls me from france on her cell phone, the one who asks how i am on a semi-regular basis via facebook because she's busy living her life in prague, the girl who calls me on a sunday evening and leaves a message letting me know that she needs me in her life more.

i'm excited to make new friends, more friends, good friends. if you ever want to do more than an occasional lunch date, an every now and then night on the town, if you really want to talk and hang out and share stories and experiences, to take the everyday talk about work and the gossip and just put a little bit more feeling and reality behind all of it, know that i love that kind of thing and i'm here.

in the meantime, i'm going to try to start saving up for a laptop, so i can enjoy my time in the sun. i'm going to love where i am and love that i have deep friendships with what sometimes seems like a million different types of people. i'm going to continue to love my job, to love my boyfriend, to love my cat and my dog and my little apartment, to love my friends, and my family, and my roadtrips, and the next new exciting happening in my life as they come and go and make impact.

platinum.

blonde, not plus, for all those cola kids out there.

i need a change. next week, nate and i are headed to washington, d.c. to see his family, to see cool people, to eat good food, drink, hang, shop, and have a real vacation. so that'll be a nice change of pace from working at the restaurant so much. i'll come back refreshed, excited, ready. until then, i plan on working my little butt off and making lots of money for DC, and being super positive every day.

but for those who know me well, when i say i need change, i usually achieve it via my hair. whether it be a little color here, a drastic cut there, i like playing with hair. it grows. nothing's ever completely permanent, really, it can always be fixed if need be. i love that. there are few things in life that are quite as much fun as playing with hair. with that said, i really like my cut. i've done pretty much everything except for a buzzcut. i've done long hair, layered hair, side bangs, straight across bangs, the vidal sassoon bob, the pixie, and most things in between. i've done red hair, brown hair, black hair, even blue hair and pink hair (for about a day each). but i've never done blonde...

so i've made an appointment with my wonderful hairstylist to go platinum blonde on april 11th. starting then, if everything works out (and it will, because i trust my girl enough to know she's not letting me out of the salon unhappy), my hair will look like this:



get excited. 'cause i am.

incoming...

new blog soon, je vous promets, but for now, something to share with you:

www.waiterrant.net

exactly what it sounds like. i love.

charlottesville!!

so last weekend, i visited charlottesville. i have a friend, lyssia, who i've known since before i was in second grade (which, every time i say that or i think that, becomes more and more impressive). she lives in oregon now, working as an executive chef and visiting her in virginia while she was there for a week made a lot more sense than flying out to oregon. plus, i'm always looking for an excuse to visit virginia. if i don't do so at least once a year, i feel a little crazy. especially with the non-weather of south carolina. i miss mountains and seasons.

either way. lyssia. this is a girl with whom i used to hang on a very regular basis from second grade until at least tenth. we would make crepes together with peaches and whipped cream, we would do little spa days with homemade hair conditioners and we'd paint our toenails. she was "Wall L" in sixth or seventh grade. i was "Wall E." long story.

it was fantastic seeing her. and i loved that she got to meet nate. they had 'met' via facebook (ohhhh, 21st century, you're sooo weird!!), but never met in reality. we were able to stay at another old friend, laura's, house right in the middle of town. it was a great home base, and so sweet that laura offered it. and that's nelson county for ya: you can not see someone or really even talk to them for seven years and they'll still offer their house for you to crash at. it's amazing. i miss people like that. really good friends, real connections, people who are consistent at least and consistently nice at best.

so many other things happening these days. i've been working more at the restaurant, including some office work during the days which is nice for several reasons--money, feeling more accomplished at the end of the day, learning more, challenging myself--plus becca's in town for spring break, plus nate and i are headed to DC next week for his spring break. i can't wait to eat amazing food, see fun people, go shopping, do an actual vacation...take a real break, not just a weekend, and sort of recollect myself.

yesterday was an odd day. my sister called while i was at work to tell me that my grandmother on my dad's side had died the night before. and i felt so off and strange all day, and almost guilty, because i don't feel that sad. i didn't really know her at all. i was always under the impression that she was a really nice lady, but i really didn't know her. and i don't know how my dad is dealing with it, but i hope he's fine. i think he's fine. i think she was the second least likely to go first out of all my grandparents. it just threw me a bit yesterday and i didn't know whether to tell my co-workers, because it's like, i mean, i'm fine with it. it shouldn't necessarily affect my work. i've just never had a death in the family, i've never been able to say that, i've never had to say that. i don't have two full sets of grandparents anymore. it's all just very different. hm. all i can say, in conclusion i suppose, is that i hope it was very peaceful.


isn't that all we can ever hope for?

la vie est belle. live it well.

the boots of my dreams.

they're now only FIFTEEN dollars. and still available only in a size SIX. oh payless, do you really want to hurt me? do you really want to make me cry??

so sad.

in other, happier, news, i'm in a spectacular mood on this lovely thursday. work was slow last night and i ended up getting out of there at around quarter til eight. nate then proceeded to taking me out to dinner--cheers to impromptu date night!!--at gervais and vine, where, surprisingly, i had never had the pleasure of eating. it was all delicious, from the red bubbly to the marinated manchego to the dark chocolate raspberry torte.

it pretty much made my week, although i'm hoping for big things tonight also, with a little outing to the whig. i'm off tomorrow and don't have huge plans for my day other than the gym pretty much so i kinda' want to let my hair down, have a couple drinks, and hang with some fun people. won't you join me?

made a mix cd today replete with new fun french disco-y tunes. been listening to the playlist all day with is definitely increasing the goodness of my mood. i'm optimistic about work this evening, about a night out, about my day off tomorrow, about life in general.

spoke with sean the other night, while slightly intoxicated therefore erasing most details of the conversation from my already questionable memory, but there was talk of a visit to south carolina. just when life is so fucking good, it gets better? i wasn't aware that was possible and yet...a short charlottesville visit in the near future to see one of my oldest and dearest friends for the first time in years, becca being on spring break soon, would love to hang out with my sister!! sometimes it hits me just HOW MUCH i miss her, then sean?! and THEN a visit to dc to visit nate's family in late march for his spring break, eat good food, see cool people...march is shaping up to be a beautiful month this year.

so even when the hot red ankle boots only come in a tiny tiny size six and even though they're only fifteen freaking dollars, life is pretty fabulous.

la di dah. le bonheur est le meilleur.

academy awards 2008!

this will probably end up a purely red carpet-y post, as i didn't get a chance (yet!) to watch most of the nominated films. in fact, i think the only big one i saw was juno, which didn't seem to have a chance in hell of really winning anything...except for best original screenplay...which it did.

but anyway, on with the red carpet FUN. emma's best and worst dressed. women only, because men are boring ;)

best dressed:


amy adams. this is sooooo pretty! i love the color, i love the silohuette, and although some critics say it wasn't fancy enough for the oscars, i completely disagree as i believe it embodies understated elegance.



heidi klum. i don't why she was even at the oscars, but she might have been THE very best dressed there, so go her. i also LOOOOOVE the styling--the hair is fantastic, the makeup is perfect. lots of women wore red to the oscars but very, very few WORKED red. heidi worked it. there's a difference. this is it.



keri russell. i have had a soft spot in my heart for keri russell ever since felicity which solidified after waitress. i'm so happy she was able to go to the oscars, to introduce a nominee for best song from august rush (which i never saw but whatever) because this is really lovely. ethereal. prettyprettypretty.



marion cotillard. i will confess, i haven't even seen la vie en rose yet, which i know, is a huge shock, terribly crazy, but i fucking LOVE marion cotillard. i think she is insanely beautiful, exceptionally talented, and she seems really sweet. nate asked me last night who i would want to sit next to at the oscars, and i said either jack nicholson (because how fun would that be?) or marion cotillard, if only so i could speak french with her all night long. either way, this dress took a while for me to warm up to, but it grew on me, and now i'm kind of loving it. and i don't think anyone else could wear it as well, but because marion is so gorgeous and so french and so amazing, she does. so good for her. and apparently, it's some scandale that she wore jean-paul gaultier. i forget why. she usually wears someone else, evidently, but i think it's only appropriate.

runners up, best dressed:



jennifer garner. i wish this was purple. that's kinda all i have to say about it. i also didn't like her pimping out rachel zoe during her red carpet interview, but that's because i hate rachel zoe. either way, i like this. almost.




katherine heigl. i think this fits PERFECTLY, which is important. i like the red. i'm just not a huge fan of the hair or the makeup particularly. she looks older for some reason. just because you're married now doesn't mean you have to look like a mom, katherine heigl! you're young. be young. i really liked that she said she was nervous when she was presenting. even if she kinda seemed bitchy on the red carpet, she seemed real during the ceremony, and i can appreciate that. next time, pull your hair up.



kristen chenoweth. she's kinda slouchy in this picture, but the dress is fucking cool. again, i really wasn't a huge fan of all the black. and even though the red was a little tired, this would have been reeeeally cool in red. i also really liked her makeup. and she's just super-talented and seems down to earth.



helen mirren. if you tell me this isn't the hottest older lady you've ever seen, you are a liar.

AND now, for the worst dressed of the evening:



diablo cody, writer, Juno. come ON. put in SOME effort. yes, we all know you used to be a stripper. and now you're an oscar-award winning writer. dress appropriately, please.




jennifer hudson. just because it's an improvement on last year's disaster doesn't make it right. her boobs look SOOOO uncomfortable, like they're screaming for some breathing room. everything just looks a bit one size too small, doesn't it? like it's cutting off circulation in certain places? i wish it were a cream color, not bright white. i wish it fit better. i wish she would get a new stylist...




jessica alba. what is going on up near her face? feathers? plumage? really? penelope cruz kinda did the same thing, but hotly. maybe it's because i don't like jessica alba. naturally, i DO like the color.




nicole kidman. the dress itself looks cheap to me and as though it will wrinkle like crazy all night long. the 'bling' is just stupid. i don't even mind nicole kidman, i fucking LOVED her in moulin rouge and thought she was the most fabulous, but she seems to be going downhill since then. shame.



rebecca miller. oh dear.



tilda swinton. who, for some reason until really recently, i always got confused with sting's wifey trudie styler (TS, TS, i guess). this is awful. it's like she went to wal-mart, bought some black velvet (blaaack velvet! in that little girl's smiiiiile!!), cut it up, threw it over her un-styled hair and her makeup-less face, and called it a dress. then she walked up on STAGE to accept her BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS AWARD in THAT. i would be so embarrassed. but maybe that's her thing.

runner-up, worst dressed, because i can't decide whether or not i truly don't like it:



ellen page. we all knew she was going to wear black, but i kept wishfully hoping that she would show in something jaw-droppingly gorgeous, something rich and decadent and bright and fabulous. but this could be worse, i suppose. i do like the vintage-y vibe, i just wish it had more shape. and i know she's only just-turned-21, but i almost wish she had taken ballet when she was little or something, so she had a bit more poise. and better posture. but i LOVE her and think she's terrific, so she's forgiven.

so that's it, i suppose, my red carpet round up. now i have to go watch these films. perhaps there will be a post about how george clooney was ROBBED! in the future...just you wait.

i'll leave you with a little miley cyrus and that really cute pose she's always doing on red carpets these days. p.s. why the HELL was MILEY CYRUS at the ACADEMY AWARDS?! for some reason, i almost loathe miley cyrus. maybe i'm just jealous of all of this:



or maybe not.

sickness.

so i was sick from sunday-present, kinda. i thought it was allergies/a hangover on sunday, but it kept getting worse. and i hate being sick, even just a little cold which this was, really. i just can't do anything and i hate feeling so useless. i slept all day pretty much for almost two days, didn't go to work, didn't go to the gym, had a REALLY hard time taking care of the animals...i was such a pathetic little mess. i'm finally feeling better, but even now, i'm still that sort-of sick which is even worse than being full-out sick. because i want to do things--go shopping, go to the gym, go out, etc--but i just don't fully have the energy.

i have been doing more yoga though, which is really nice to get back into. and although i definitely prefer classes, i'm also finding that doing it solo kinda works.

since i have been sick, i've been thinking about quitting again. cigarettes. the last time i smoked was one little cigarette after lunch on sunday. i haven't had ONE in almost three whole days and i haven't been craving them either. it's just hard to think about working and not smoking or going out and not smoking. i have been pretty good about not smoking a whole lot during the day, in general, even before getting sick. my routine usually consisted of waking up, working out, showering, eating, running errands, and then and only then, usually about three, would i smoke a cigarette or two before work. then a cigarette straight after work. then some with a few drinks after work and that's it. which isn't really bad at all, but i suppose it'd be good to stop altogether.

we'll see. nate and i both do want to stop so i think the two of us together can get to a certain point, some date in the near future and i'm sure together we can definitely do it.

the payless boots were only available in size six, in other news.

and with that, i'm off!!

payless.

so i made a mistake today and popped onto payless.com

i LOVE payless shoes. i don't want a good pair of shoes that will last me forever, because i'm far too ADD when it comes to styles, i want something that i like right NOW and if i don't like it tomorrow, i don't want to feel bad about having spent tons of money on a shoe i'm never going to wear again.

i have a pair of boots from payless that i think i've worn exactly one time. but they were twenty-five bucks. so it's like, i like having them around in case there's that ONE outfit with which they go perfectly, but i don't really mind that i don't wear them everyday because when it comes down to it and we're thinking about the big picture here, twenty-five bucks? not THAT much money, REALLY.

and there's not tons of cute stuff on the website necessarily right now, that's not the problem. the problem is that there is a pair of boots, ANOTHER pair of cute little ankle boots, something to which evidently i'm addicted. and they're thirty bucks. again, not TOO TOO much money, but do i really need another pair of cute little ankle boots that i might not necessarily wear lying around my closet? and they're red which is both more and less appealing to me. i LOVE red shoes. i'm slightly notorious for said love of red shoes. but red is surprisingly hard to sort of match to things.



i'll probably end up buying them at the end of the week. a little valentine's gift to myself, after what promises to be a hard week of hard work.

that sounds like a nice sort of deal there.

it's a gray day. i need to get out of the house, but go where? always a difficult, unanswerable question. i have a day off from work today. i've been to the gym, i've eaten a big delicious breakfast, and walked the dog. and it's to that point in the day where either i have to decide to go out and do something, or take a nap or something.

the grayness isn't helping me resist the nap option.

but i'll probably go across the street for coffee and some real writing.

ma boisson preferee

c'est stoli avec de l'eau citron et beaucoup de glacons. c'est parfait.

'i want to save the world through cookies'

so i made a few chocolate chip cookies today. thought i might bring them into work and let that be my positivity spreader for the day. but i made them bigger than usual therefore there are less of them. next time: double the recipe. additionally, i discovered a few little secret ingredients and tricks. so now they're MINE. and that's always fun, to know how to make something and well and just a titch differently than anyone else's. they're soft, slightly undercooked probably, quite honestly, but that's the way i like them.

in other, far healthier news, i got myself to the gym today for the first time in two days...something happened this weekend, where i just felt really unmotivated to go, and i hate that. i hate taking two days off, because it's always hard to get back into the groove. it's the same thing for me with work, it was the same thing with school. two or more days off from anything, and i am in full-on relaxation mode. ironically, the gym really relaxes me, so i'm trying to get back into a good routine here.

especially when there are cookies lying around, waiting to be eaten.

i'm watching some britney spears special on E! and it's depressing, seeing the downward spiral. from almost the very, very beginning, you can just tell where she's going to end up. and it's more depressing that this special exists and more depressing still is that people are watching it. i'm watching it.

and with that, i've turned off the television. so now i'm listening to yelle instead. a faaar better use of my time. french 80's-inspired disco-y music. YES.




either you're totally annoyed by yelle or you kinda love 'em and they put you in a good mood and i definitely belong in the latter group. either way, between a good workout at the gym, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, and yelle, i'm definitely ready for a fun mardi gras shift at work in about an hour and i hope to radiate positive vibes all night long.

la vie est belle, mes soeurs et mes freres.

springtime

i haven't blogged in a while, although, in my defense of sorts, i have written. today is one of the few times i wish i smoked inside my apartment. something about writing and smoking just going together so well. something about the nicotine sparks inspiration, something about the poetry of the smoke swirling, something about the whole ritual of it all helps me.

but alas, i don't smoke indoors and i own a slightly restrictive desktop computer, therefore, there will be no smoking.

i'm listening to 'hot chip,' myspace's artist of the day or week or month or whatever it is.

not convinced they're any good. thanks a lot, myspace, for your recommendation. next!

the super bowl was yesterday, the first year i've ever really done something for it and the first time i've ever been the least bit slightly kinda interested (go giants!) got to hang with some very cool people and eat very very good food, have some fun drinks (who drinks champagne at a super bowl get together?! me), i had a great time and it was one of the very very first times i've felt like columbia's not such a bad place and there are some nifty people here. i've expressed it before, i'm sure, and i've been highly aware especially more recently that the friends i've had in the past, all the way from 2nd grade to my senior year of college, aren't going to get replaced, replicated, nor bettered.

but only even more recently have i begun to discover that there are others out there and they're not the same, but they may very well be just as cool and just as interesting as long as i don't pre-judge them and give them a chance and open myself up a bit for more friendships.

it's hard when a few of the people with whom i surround myself are a) un-trustworthy, b) potentially bi-polar and c) make a habit of self-contradiction, but that's okay. i'll still open myself to the people i think are worth it and if it doesn't work out for me, i have so many people who truly do and always will have my back.

and isn't that, in the end, the entire point, really?

paris (la ville, PAS hilton)

i would like to go to paris this weekend.









i have more to write, but i think today is a real writing day, not a blogging day, therefore, if you want to know anything about which i'm actually writing and not blogging, you'd have to have a real conversation with me.

i'm craving true discourse and contact and involvement today.

but i'll probably just end up at the coffee place across the street, ou je vais fumer et ecrirer toute seule.

and that's fine with me too.

c'est pas mal, c'est pas grave, et la vie est belle, chers lecteurs.

charleston.

when i was younger and went to hilton head high school, i visited charleston a handful of times, if that. and there were parts of it that always really bugged me. it seemed that everyone looked exactly the same. the girls all had the same color hair, the same color skin, the same clothes, the same boyfriends. the boys all had the same color shirts, the same sunglasses (and croakies. of course)...it just seemed like a boring place to live.

then i went this weekend to visit my good friend stephenie. we got coffee at this place that's associated with some african art thing. beautiful small cafe with a fantastic courtyard (that would have been more enjoyable on a spring night, but that's okay). then we sort of fake shopped for a bit around king street, making fun of the american apparel bright gold leggings and wondering if i could pull of legwarmers. we then proceeded to raval, a spanish tapas place where we drank a bottle of wine, and ate almost one order of everything on the menu. pan con tomate, a thick bread rolled in fresh tomato, olive oil, and tons of garlic with tapenade, chickpea puree, and roasted garlic. asparagus wrapped in artichoke goat cheese and serrano ham. patatas bravas with aioli. a cheese plate.

i was soooo happy. it was one of the best times i've had recently, just really good food and really good wine with two of the coolest people i know.

we took a smoke break, met some randoms, watched the place fill up, paid, and left. we zipped by stephenie's to give her puppy some exercise and for me to change (more layers!!). headed out to a dive-y bar where we met some of her friends, listened to karaoke, made the acquaintance of a man who 'was a shrink for twenty years, but now is just a caddy'...danced with him, took funny pictures, laughed, drank, then went to another bar, then to one of steph's friend's places.

good conversation, good people, good times.

it was exactly what i needed and gave me a new view of charleston--not everyone looks the same. it's got tons of restaurants that i want to try on my next visit. it's got character. and not the kind of 'southern charm character' that the tourism bureau may brag about and the travel shows want to portray. real character.

la vie est belle. mais vous le savez deja, mes amis.

hungry kitten.

my cat is looking up at me with this face that very clearly says "uhm, it's five past three and i'm HUNGRY, bitch. feed me. please?" but i'm looking back and saying "sorry, honey, if you're lucky, you'll get fed at 20 after, but really, your dinner time is four. step off. please."

i got my haircut. pictures are coming, i promise.
i love getting a haircut and it taking a while for me to get used to it. that's what's happening today. it's short. short short. and kind of fabulous. and i'm pretty sure i like it. and i'm pretty sure i'll love it by...tomorrow at the latest. i told nate and i'll express it here, i feel like i need to wear the funkiest clothes i own in order to stay even with the funky hair. this may mean some shopping?

emma, ever the optimist.

also, thanks to kait the great for THIS website:

www.projectrungay.blogspot.com

i love it, i love it, i love it. and it makes me look even more forward to tomorrow's episode, if that were possible. maybe there will be some fabulous twist and they invite kevin back??

okay, time for my pre-work coffee and cigarette routine.

la vie est belle, mes amours!

everything will be alright if you just stay the night

i love when i'm driving down the road and i see what looks like it could potentially be tragically a dead cat or some other sweet animal and it turns out to be a pile of pine straw or something equally un-cute.

it makes my day.

television post.

first of all, how do i get this job??

http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2008/01/gossip_girl_finale.html

watch trashy tv shows every week, comment on their realisticness or lack thereof, write cute fun commentary, and get paid? yes, please.

secondly, project runway, especially this season is bullshit. victorya's dress last night, while a semi-cute cut (for a day dress!) was freaking TACKY. not prom enough, not done enough, not good enough. and she didn't even seem happy about winning. no crack of a smile. can you imagine how adorable sweet P would have been if she had won? she probably would have cried, she'd have been so happy. her dress was GORGEOUS. fit perfectly, was super-flattering, very glam, very prom, exactly what her client wanted. COME ON.

and kevin off before RICKY? really?! everyone already knows my love for kevin, but i'm also simply amazed that ricky, who keeps putting forth SUCH a minimal effort, keeps getting his little pat on the back. yes, kevin's dress was bad. although i quite honestly think ricky's was worse. at least jevin used color!! as for ricky's, that little jeweled belt-type thing at the waist was tacky, the color (or lack thereof) was horrific, the dress was terribly unflattering, PLUS it looked like lingerie and we get it, ricky, you like your lingerie. one dimensional son of a...

and speaking of one dimensional, nate said it before, and i'm beginning to agree, while i think rami's draping is lovely...i mean, it's draping. again. and it better be fabulous every time you do it because you do it every time. i'm surprised during the menswear challenge he didn't make a toga.

i think i'm done ranting now. i'm just angry that the judges have their favorites and it's just so terribly obvious. i mean, that's just not the point of the show. a few seasons from now, i'm sure top chef is gonna turn into the same thing. they all start out with the best intentions...

a shame.

in other news, i have a slight sore throat and i'm keeping myself busy chugging anything that looks like it might have vitamins so i don't get sick. any other advice? preventative measures, people.

cent choses.

1. every time i look at pictures of angers, france (and mine in particular), i can smell the air there, i can feel the sun on my skin, and i remember precisely the feeling i had at the moment the picture was taken.
2. my eyes always well up when i look at pictures of france.
3. but not in a bad way. more in a 'i need to get back there and be able to do so on a regular basis' kind of way.
4. i think my love for the l word, tegan and sara, and ani difranco reflects my woman's college education.
5. i wish i had the opportunity to dress up more often. lately, i wake up, head to the gym, shower, and hang in sweats until work when i change into work clothes.
6. i need to take up a hobby or something where dressing up has a point, perhaps?
7. i love listening to latin music, salsa in particular, even though i don't understand spanish.
8. i dislike french accents on men, but think they're adorable on women.
9. i love listening to soko as a result of this.
10. i want to shave my head and if i didn't risk losing my both my job and my boyfriend, i would totally go for it. maybe.
11. i don't look at serving as a career.
12. but i have no idea what i want to do.
13. at 23, not knowing what i want to do scares me.
14. i do know that i want to write.
15. but i'm not sure how to go about that.
16. i need to get myself up and out and pushing forward for things like that.
17. ironically, i keep writing about that and not actually doing it.
18. i hate people who are bad at keeping in touch.
19. i'm becoming one of those people.
20. even with all this technology, between cell phones and myspace and facebook and blogs and texting and email, i find it fascinating that anyone can lose touch with anyone else. ever.
21. there are days when i feel soooo responsible.
22. then there are those when i still feel so little and immature and naive.
23. i miss having a girlfriend. i just want someone with whom i can do lunch, go dancing, drink coffee, someone who's right here, not in new york city or prague or denmark or france...
24. i'm losing my french.
25. sometimes, for practice, i talk to myself or the dog in french as i get ready for work or take him for a walk.
26. i'm always scared some neighbor's going to walk by and think i'm crazy for 1) talking to the dog and 2) talking to the dog in french!!
27. when it's warm and sunny outside, ALL i want to do is open all my windows and doors and blast good music and dance.
28. sometimes i wish i were rich and i could just travel and go shopping all day.
29. but the moment after i even think that, i wish that i were more involved in charities and was interested in the peace corps or something.
30. i miss virginia.
31. the reasons i miss virginia are weird, though--bodo's bagels, piles of leaves, and smoking cigarettes on the curlies at macon.
32. when i'm put in new and unfamiliar situations and i'm nervous, i revert back to who i was when i was anorexic.
33. to some extent, i believe i'm a control freak.
34. i'm amazed every day that i've been dating the same boy for more than a year.
35. i'm THRILLED every day that i've been dating the same boy for more than a year.
36. i've always wished that i could play a musical instrument.
37. but, really, it's all about the guitar.
38. when i was little, i had a fantasy about fronting an all-male group and singing my little heart out, a la gwen stefani.
39. i had always been better friends with boys then girls, until i got to randolph-macon.
40. randolph-macon was when i realized for my survival, i better start getting along with women.
41. randolph-macon was when i realized there was a difference between men and boys and women and girls.
42. during my first year of college, i was SO young.
43. during my sophomore year, i started becoming a strong woman.
44. it was then i learned to defend myself.
45. it was then i realized how bitchy and manipulative girls could be.
46. it was then i realized how much better and important it is to have one good friend versus several acquaintances.
47. during my junior year, i got a helluva lot of craziness out of my system.
48. during my senior year, i think i balanced my life really really well, between my senior paper, my other classes, my friends, and my boyfriend. it was the first time i admitted to myself that i was proud of myself.
49. sometimes i regret getting my first tattoo.
50. sometimes i want tattoos of really lame things.
51. i'm happy that i'm smart enough to realize i don't actually want a tattoo of said lame thing before i run out and get it.
52. i don't think i've ever sung in the shower.
53. i have a weakness for chocolate.
54. it grows as i get older.
55. i wish i didn't like smoking cigarettes.
56. life without vice is a life not worth living.
57. sometimes i wish i had never become a vegetarian.
58. even now, i can't seem to fully enjoy most meat.
59. which, i guess, is fine and maybe, in some cases, healthy, but not as fun when you have my job.
60. i like to keep a food journal.
61. i hate writing down the bad things i eat!
62. which i suppose is the point.
63. i want to move.
64. i'm not sure i could live without internet.
65. or television.
66. i mean, i'm sure i could LIVE, but i love internet and television.
67. in my defense, it's not only because i love mindless entertainment, but also because media inspires conversation, which inspires friendship and stimulates the mind.
68. writing 100 things about myself is far more difficult than i ever imagined.
69. even at 23, writing the number 69 makes me giggle a little bit.
70. sometimes i feel like caitlin is more my sister than my actual sister is.
71. they're becoming more even as we all mature.
72. i think my grandmother is one of the most beautiful women in the world.
73. my mother and my sister and caitlin are all up there too.
74. if i were in my grandfather's shoes, i'd be drinking again. and it would be only the most expensive bottles of wine i could lay my hands on.
75. i wish i knew more about wine.
76. and i know that i can use my time during the day in smarter manners. reading about wine, for instance!!
77. i wish i had a stronger jawline.
78. i love nate's jawline. it's one of the first things that ever attracted me to him.
79. i think the gravity of a relationship can be defined by the first things that attract one to another. if it's something random, like jawline, the relationship has a better chance of lasting.
80. this has not been scientifically proven nor even actually tested. by anyone, as far as i know. but i'm curious. theories abound!
81. when i write exclamation points, i write the dot, then the line.
82. i think most people are the opposite. line, then dot. exclamation, then point.
83. sometimes i like to think this makes me unique.
84. i prefer watching films on my couch rather than in a theatre.
85. i prefer to write 'theatre' rather than 'theater.'
86. i love thrift stores, but people always seem to find cooler stuff than me.
87. i miss my breakfasts of pain au chocolat.
88. i miss french yogurt.
89. lately i think i'm addicted to yogurt.
90. i love my pets an inordinate amount.
91. i simultaneously love and hate entering a petsmart.
92. i wonder if i would ever be friends with the people i'm friends with if i had never worked with them, gone to school with them, lived in france with them...
93. but, then again, how else do you make friends, really? i don't know...
94. i used to be a much better dancer.
95. i want to start taking ballet again.
96. i think if i really let myself go, i could be a much cooler person.
97. i think that's what i do with nate, with caitlin, in france, and that's why i always like myself more in those instances.
98. the best meal i've ever had was still breakfast at the flying biscuit in atlanta.
99. i'm a sucker for breakfast. it would be my last meal.
100. i'm surrounded by love and i know how fortunate i am. and i know i deserve it.

kait's 100 things

i'm not doing it now, but i hope to soon, because i think it's something beautiful. however, at this point in the week, so early, since it's monday, i can't bring myself to think quite that much. yet. but i will. make a list of 100 things about me, those small things, those tiny things that most people don't know about me...and i don't even think it's an exercise in self-centeredness as much as it's one in self-awareness. and in turn that inspires others which makes it an exercise in...other-awareness. and that is highly admirable. thus, i will partake. but later.

in the meantime, i need to get a haircut soon...some antm-inspired, fun faux hawk-y ideas:

vh1's america's next top model supermodelthon

the holidays are over and they were terrific, which makes me happy. 2008 has arrived and i'm super-excited and just looking forward to continual progression and improvement and evolution of myself and my friendships and my relationships...

of course, right now, i'm sitting around in sweatpants and a tshirt watching an episode of america's next top model that i've probably already seen twice in my life. such an addictive show though, especially the older ones when they had far cooler challenges and far cooler people. back when they had janice dickinson.

i love watching and getting inspired, especially during the makeover episodes when i think about new haircuts to get, even funkier than the one i have now, something i'm not sure i could pull off necessarily but still fun to think about...examples: naima from 'cycle 5,' sara from 'cycle 6...' yoanna of course. any haircut that can be turned into a faux-hawk gets me all excited.

i'm such a weirdo.

i hope to go down to charleston, in other news, to see band of horses play and also (and more importantly) see stephenie and her place down there. i'm ashamed to admit i haven't been down to visit her, even when it's so so close by!! it sounds like a lot of fun, and i'm kinda craving a fun adventure/road trip in my future.

everyone needs fun adventures. i am quite convinced.