springtime

i can barely contain my excitement for the spring. i can't wait to open all my windows, play my music loud, and dance around my house without even caring if the neighbors see.

whoa, une autre!

i'm not promising by any means, but perhaps a new blog post a week?

and what a week it's been and what a week this one promises to be. between the strife of nate and i and feeling like i live at work, it was a tough one. on christmas eve, i managed to work a twelve hour day on three hours of sleep.

it's all been worth it though. nate and i have leapt over a major hurdle. things that i've thought about on and off (and, mind you, mostly off) for the past three years or so all came to a head, and a surprising one for him, as i had never let on that i was ever thinking about them. and silly things, stupid things, little things. did i miss out on something by never really dating, like my sister does? would i prefer to be single? do i flirt too much?

and the answer to all of those is no. but it took a lot of honesty and patience and a little bit of yelling and lots of chain smoking for all of that to get out of our systems, but it is and it's done and it's over and the future looks bright.

in the meantime, i'm still working the balance of being a badass waitress and a badass friend. and though this week will be another tough one, i think everything will settle a bit after the new year and it'll be easier to achieve that balance. a little wine night with some girlfriends, a night on the town with co-workers, date night with nate, coffee and writing downtown. it's nice to be able to intersperse these things with working like a crazy person.

it's snowy on my back deck. just a cold, bright whiteness. a shock to everyone's system. it's melting away now, revealing life. i'm taking this metaphor too far, but you know what i mean.

next blog post: new year's resolutions! inspire me with yours.

au manque du drame, mes amis!

bien(re)venue!!!

Where do I even begin?

So much has happened since July. We're nearing the end of 2010, one of the craziest years of my whole life. So much change, so many endings and beginnings and adventures and epiphanies. So much maturing and growing and evolving. So much optimism going into 2011.

This new place, if you can still call it new, has been treating me well, better perhaps than I deserve to be treated and certainly better than I've been treated.

I have a job as a waitress in one of the most highly respected, beautiful, and brilliant restaurants in the area. I work with some of the nicest, most genuine, funniest, and most professional people in the world, I swear. I've been working there for maybe three months and I already love them. I want them to be my friends and in my life in some capacity forever.

I love this town. There's always something you can find to do and usually someone with whom to do it, whether it be a drink, a coffee, or just hanging at someone's house. It's a small town, and I love that, recognizing people and also waving to strangers. There's something to be said about having a kinship with strangers. I was in a coffee shop earlier today, just writing and observing and I found myself just in love with everyone in there, though I didn't know a single soul. It's a cold day, windy and bitter, but everyone was smiling and warm and welcoming. People are generous with their happiness here. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing. And, quite luckily, I think it's contagious.

Nate and I have been though a lot this year. The fatigue of our old home, the newness of this one, the move, the lack of jobs, the loss of jobs, the gaining of employment, making new friends, trying so hard to go out and meet people but yet stay connected to one another and in doing that, we've actually become even more connected, and have, I believe, renewed our love and respect for one another. Sometimes it takes this kind of shake-up and these sorts of novel adventures to 'test' our relationship and we've passed and grown closer because of it. It's been so long, us dating, and it's nice to try to get back to the beginning every now and then, just be together, and enjoy each other and not stick to the routine ALL the time (though it needs to be said that I do love my routines...)

For the first time in forever, I feel like I'm getting back something that was lost when we lived in South Carolina, something that was missing there and that's true friendship and socializing. It's different here, people are more open and honest. When they say they'll call, they actually do. When they say they want to do something, they come up with some sort of event. For the first time since Macon, I feel the possibilities of real friendships, and ones that will last for a very long time. I cherish these people that have come into my life. Though it's hard to live up to people like Caitlin or Stephenie or Sean and though I love them with so very much of my heart, there are people here who are reminiscent of them and the friendships I'm making are reminiscent of the most important ones I've had in my 26 years.

C'est avec un plein coeur que je dis a vous, mes amis: la vie est belle. And the future holds nothing but contentment.

banana split

weirdly, i'm craving a banana split. it's a fantastic blog post title. you want one too, don't you now? funny enough, the only banana split i've ever had was one in france, in a cafe called les varietes. i got into a really strange habit of ordering one every sunday night for dinner for like, weeks.

it's monday, but i'm craving a les varietes banana split like it's sunday.

maybe it has something to do with this feeling i have every morning when i wake up, that same feeling i had in france, of newness and nervousness. every day, i get up and i've got two new jobs now and i'm meeting so many different people and every day i'm bombarded by the impression that i need to make an impression.

i'm excited, don't get me wrong, and i'm positive about everything that's happening and it's such a spectacular feeling, this one of going out and going after things and doing things, but at the same time, it's fucking scary. exhilarating, but terrifying. i've always been haunted by the possibility of failure, that threat. it's always been one of my greatest fears. at the same time, i haven't felt truly challenged on any kind of regular basis since macon, and it's refreshing feeling like i have to prove my smarts to myself, instead of just waltzing through the routine that had snuck up and taken over parts of my life.

so. as an update: i'm challenged, i'm scared, but more than all that, i'm really darn excited.

and i'm craving a banana split.

interview tomorrow

i responded to an ad on craigslist for a part time receptionist at a salon here and got an email the very next day, which i'm choosing to believe is a great sign. i'd love for it to be something than can transition into full time, for sure, because...it just sounds perfect, something at which i could really excel.

either way, if i do get it, even if it's only part time, it'll certainly be more money than i'm making now (which is none, just to be clear).

in the meantime, i strolled around town the other day in the 100 degree heat filling our applications and dropping off resumes. hopefully that bears more fruit than the efforts of april.

for now, i'm enjoying just being here. it's more expensive than i ever thought, moving, but we're doing okay. a quiche is in the oven as i write, made with eggs from my neighbor and cheese and local broccoli, and all that good stuff. dinners with my boyfriend, what a treat!

i had gotten accustomed to sorta snacking at the restaurant and calling it, plus my shift drink "dinner." it's nice to be able to make things and sit at a table and be normal. refreshing.

we'll see what happens on the job front, but send me some good vibes tomorrow afternoon, so i can at least have something...

when i come back home, to this sweet new wonderful home, i'd love to have good things to report over the dinner table with my love.

en souhaitant des bonnes nouvelles, mes amis...

we made it! now what?

so we're here and mostly moved in and have been for exactly a week. it feels like less time and so much more simultaneously--one moment it feels like we've been here for years and the next, it's like we moved in yesterday. we're still getting accustomed to everything--new neighbors, new sounds, new smells, where everything is, where to go, what to do, who to meet, what to eat, what to spend our non-existent money on, the whole deal.

if you ever want to test your relationship with someone you are under the impression that you love, move with them. it is trying. nate and i have done a decent job with this. every now and then, we get frustrated and very rarely, if at all, with each other, but when you don't know anyone else and no one returns your calls, and you're stuck with that one person...well, we were bound to take out a couple things on one another.

but it certainly hasn't been bad and i think we've passed a test of sorts, going through this and not wanting to kill each other. in fact, it's made us closer and that must be a good sign. now everyone who keeps asking, 'when are you getting married?!' the answer can be sooner rather than later. probably.

so i'm sitting here, still in my pajamas, eating french bread and brie and fresh garlic, because i'm that much of a weirdo. the animals are all settled in and resting, napping, as they do. i'm looking past my computer and out the sliding door at my deck, because i have one. it's gorgeous. huge and freshly painted and wonderful. i can't wait to have visitors, and we can hang out there and have some beers and watch the woods that are my backyard.

we still have to put up pictures, paint some bookshelves, put away books. but that's the fun part. all the lifting and sweating and pushing and tears...that part's over.

now it's the decorating and buying and trying to find a job in the midst of it all. but i have an interview this week, for a part time receptionist position at a salon, which should be fun for me. and it's something. and there are more possibilities on the horizon, i can feel it.

for now, it's fun for me to try a little something new while i try to figure out what exactly it is i want to do with my life.

bonne chance a moi!

TOMORROW

tomorrow is the big day of all big days, the biggest day i've had in three years, my last big day being college graduation.

wow, haven't done much in three years. that's depressing.

i mean, i have, i've worked almost every day for the past three years and have been very involved with that, and i've learned a lot, and i've loved it (and sometimes i've hated it, i'll be an honest person), but nothing huge and exceptional has really seemed to happen.

i haven't gotten a big promotion, i haven't gotten pregnant (knock on wood!) or engaged, haven't made a big move...all the things my friends have been busy with.

but now i get to be excited for my big move--i've been talking about it long enough!

it's fucking scary--i don't have a job, i don't know anyone but nate where i'm moving, we're taking such a leap.

i'm just soooo tired of complaining about where i live, and how much i'm phoning in my life and i think it's gonna take something like this, a big leap, a change, a shake-up to jumpstart my life again, which sounds like my life has sucked for three years, which it definitely hasn't, but i do need a shake-up. it's not necessarily a bad thing, i think some people need that sense of novelty and danger even in their lives. i might be one of those people.

and now is the time where i've got absolutely nothing to lose and where i could take a real chance and get a real career and not be a 'restaurant lifer' and i hope something opens itself up to me and i hope something magically reveals itself as my dream job, because i certainly don't know what i'm looking for, but in the meantime, i'm pretty terrified but very excited to pound the pavement and at least get some sort of job to pay the bills... i know that i don't want to get stuck in anything that i don't completely love and this move is showing me that i'm capable of breaking free when it's time to do so.

i don't even know if anyone reads this blog or if i'm making any sense. it's early for me, and i haven't had nearly enough coffee.

all i know is i've got about six hours to pack up all my STUFF today, then relax with a drink with my mom and a one last nice dinner with my boyfriend that needs to hold us over for a while, and then i get to get out of here!

ohhhh, columbia, i'll miss you just the tiniest bit.

but not that much.