thrilling

the word of the day is thrilling. i've been thinking about the future near (my birthday, my job, ma vie quotidienne) and far (north carolina, moving, novelty) and the only word that keeps popping into my head is thrilling. i am thrilled for everything today.

the sky is so clear, the leaves changing as much as they do here, rustling in the breeze across the ground and i have no doubt that much of my optimistic view today has to do with just the physicality, the weather of this day. it's beautiful, so bright.

i'm hanging out with my coffee, listening to music, with all the windows open, letting in the very slightest of chills, feeling so good about everything!

last night was a great one at the restaurant. it wasn't the busiest of nights, far from it, but we had great people and a brand spanking new fall menu that i'm so excited about (who woulda' EVER thought that i'd be considering ordering BEEF TARTARE for my birthday dinner the day after tomorrow? but, gahhh, it's freakin' delicious!), and a fantastic staff. there were these two girls out celebrating one of their birthdays who had brady as their server. they were fun, just eating and drinking, and taking their time, and really enjoying themselves and each other's company. to say it reminded me of caitlin and myself is obvious, but they did and while i envied them that, i feel like all of us really fed off their joie de vivre last night, which was refreshing and really, really nice.

they went outside for a cigarette break and i had just gotten off, so i was having a little chat with rachel who had come in to eat earlier that evening. brady came out to check on them and they demanded, 'a birthday song, dance, skit! we want a birthday skit! like monty python' and brady and i reluctantly obliged, being the professional servers we are. what the customer wants, the customer gets, dammmit. right?! so we put on a short skit, british accents and everything.

i've realized something as i've grown up through the years, and i'll actually credit nate with said realization, as he's been a big part of it.

everyone needs to play. just play. be goofy, be silly, be stupid, and don't care a bit about how you look or sound or seem to other people. chances are, you'll just look like you're having a darn good time and that kind of fun is infectious.

so we put on our skit, and taking a cue from SNL, couldn't end it for the life of us, but it was appreciated by the birthday girl and that's all that mattered. some stranger celebrating her birthday at the restaurant, just joking around, demanded a skit. and i feel like we made her night. she had delicious wine, delicious food, and entertainment to boot. i love those nights when serving tables actually feels like it makes some sort of difference. like i can control peoples' moods, almost, or like i am in charge of some stranger's happiness. for just that hour, or those few hours, i have the power to help them have an unforgettable birthday, anniversary, friday night, random monday night. it must be similar to how an actor feels, a comedian feels, or a hairstylist feels (which is a MONSTROUS reason why i want to be one)--making people think, laugh, and be beautiful respectively is, in many senses, a power.

and to bring it back, power is a thrill in itself.

the unknown is also thrilling. next year i'll be celebrating my birthday in a new state, a new town, and, for all intents and purposes, a new restaurant. and no one knows what it's going to be like. different foods, different stores, different friends, a brand new routine. a new school for nate with different students and different colleagues. but after last night and this gorgeous, energizing, invigorating day, this sense of power, of well-being, of general contentment and accomplishment, the thrill is knowing that i'm going to be way more than fine, wherever i end up.

sans aucune doute.