new year!

so it's new year's eve. twenty-eleven is right around the corner. for a while now, i've never really done anything for new year's eve. before i worked in the restaurant industry, my family and i would hang out and watch a movie and eat baked camembert and bread and drink champagne. and now, when i think new year's eve, instead of parties or dressing up and going out, i am trained to only think "busy night."

new year's eve at solstice could pay my rent in one fell swoop, one night of running around for about nine hours, popping champagne, pouring champagne, guzzling red bull, kissing my boyfriend and toasting my co-workers at midnight, then going back to work.

there's something to be said about working on holidays. customers are generally in better moods, and it is fun to be a part of making their night a success. maybe there will be a time for me to enjoy my very own new year's eve, or at the very least at a reasonable hour, maybe i'll be the one who gets to dress up and go out and someone can make my evening a success, but for now i'm pretty content to enjoy the holiday vicariously. it's what i'm accustomed to.

i've got a great feeling about 2011. and in that spirit...resolutions!

i've made some variation of the same one every year since i was probably eleven: try to be more outgoing and not be afraid to try new things and meet new people. at some point, during the past fifteen years of making this resolution, it has become less of an effort and more a part of my true personality. there are people i meet who don't believe i was ever shy or quiet. i'll continue to make it forever, since it's served me well so far. so that's number one. try new things, meet new people, don't be afraid.

number two: be easy. don't take things too seriously. work hard, play hard, have more fun. spread positivity and emanate happiness and light. be giddy and goofy and silly and play. be contagious in my optimism.

number three: write. blog. zip around town with a notebook at my side. something!

number four: appreciate those around me and let them know they're appreciated. make sure everyone i love knows for sure that i love them.

(i love YOU!)

number five: as always, something more banal. get back to being healthier. no more of this 'cookies for breakfast!' or 'chocolate souffle for dinner!' eat your veggies!!!!

so there we are. resolutions for what promises to be the best year so far. i think 2011 will treat me well. bonne annee, mes amis! and may 2011 treat you just as well as you deserve. and if you happen to hang with me, i hope my giddy, goofy, lovey self will make you happy!

springtime

i can barely contain my excitement for the spring. i can't wait to open all my windows, play my music loud, and dance around my house without even caring if the neighbors see.

whoa, une autre!

i'm not promising by any means, but perhaps a new blog post a week?

and what a week it's been and what a week this one promises to be. between the strife of nate and i and feeling like i live at work, it was a tough one. on christmas eve, i managed to work a twelve hour day on three hours of sleep.

it's all been worth it though. nate and i have leapt over a major hurdle. things that i've thought about on and off (and, mind you, mostly off) for the past three years or so all came to a head, and a surprising one for him, as i had never let on that i was ever thinking about them. and silly things, stupid things, little things. did i miss out on something by never really dating, like my sister does? would i prefer to be single? do i flirt too much?

and the answer to all of those is no. but it took a lot of honesty and patience and a little bit of yelling and lots of chain smoking for all of that to get out of our systems, but it is and it's done and it's over and the future looks bright.

in the meantime, i'm still working the balance of being a badass waitress and a badass friend. and though this week will be another tough one, i think everything will settle a bit after the new year and it'll be easier to achieve that balance. a little wine night with some girlfriends, a night on the town with co-workers, date night with nate, coffee and writing downtown. it's nice to be able to intersperse these things with working like a crazy person.

it's snowy on my back deck. just a cold, bright whiteness. a shock to everyone's system. it's melting away now, revealing life. i'm taking this metaphor too far, but you know what i mean.

next blog post: new year's resolutions! inspire me with yours.

au manque du drame, mes amis!

bien(re)venue!!!

Where do I even begin?

So much has happened since July. We're nearing the end of 2010, one of the craziest years of my whole life. So much change, so many endings and beginnings and adventures and epiphanies. So much maturing and growing and evolving. So much optimism going into 2011.

This new place, if you can still call it new, has been treating me well, better perhaps than I deserve to be treated and certainly better than I've been treated.

I have a job as a waitress in one of the most highly respected, beautiful, and brilliant restaurants in the area. I work with some of the nicest, most genuine, funniest, and most professional people in the world, I swear. I've been working there for maybe three months and I already love them. I want them to be my friends and in my life in some capacity forever.

I love this town. There's always something you can find to do and usually someone with whom to do it, whether it be a drink, a coffee, or just hanging at someone's house. It's a small town, and I love that, recognizing people and also waving to strangers. There's something to be said about having a kinship with strangers. I was in a coffee shop earlier today, just writing and observing and I found myself just in love with everyone in there, though I didn't know a single soul. It's a cold day, windy and bitter, but everyone was smiling and warm and welcoming. People are generous with their happiness here. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing. And, quite luckily, I think it's contagious.

Nate and I have been though a lot this year. The fatigue of our old home, the newness of this one, the move, the lack of jobs, the loss of jobs, the gaining of employment, making new friends, trying so hard to go out and meet people but yet stay connected to one another and in doing that, we've actually become even more connected, and have, I believe, renewed our love and respect for one another. Sometimes it takes this kind of shake-up and these sorts of novel adventures to 'test' our relationship and we've passed and grown closer because of it. It's been so long, us dating, and it's nice to try to get back to the beginning every now and then, just be together, and enjoy each other and not stick to the routine ALL the time (though it needs to be said that I do love my routines...)

For the first time in forever, I feel like I'm getting back something that was lost when we lived in South Carolina, something that was missing there and that's true friendship and socializing. It's different here, people are more open and honest. When they say they'll call, they actually do. When they say they want to do something, they come up with some sort of event. For the first time since Macon, I feel the possibilities of real friendships, and ones that will last for a very long time. I cherish these people that have come into my life. Though it's hard to live up to people like Caitlin or Stephenie or Sean and though I love them with so very much of my heart, there are people here who are reminiscent of them and the friendships I'm making are reminiscent of the most important ones I've had in my 26 years.

C'est avec un plein coeur que je dis a vous, mes amis: la vie est belle. And the future holds nothing but contentment.

banana split

weirdly, i'm craving a banana split. it's a fantastic blog post title. you want one too, don't you now? funny enough, the only banana split i've ever had was one in france, in a cafe called les varietes. i got into a really strange habit of ordering one every sunday night for dinner for like, weeks.

it's monday, but i'm craving a les varietes banana split like it's sunday.

maybe it has something to do with this feeling i have every morning when i wake up, that same feeling i had in france, of newness and nervousness. every day, i get up and i've got two new jobs now and i'm meeting so many different people and every day i'm bombarded by the impression that i need to make an impression.

i'm excited, don't get me wrong, and i'm positive about everything that's happening and it's such a spectacular feeling, this one of going out and going after things and doing things, but at the same time, it's fucking scary. exhilarating, but terrifying. i've always been haunted by the possibility of failure, that threat. it's always been one of my greatest fears. at the same time, i haven't felt truly challenged on any kind of regular basis since macon, and it's refreshing feeling like i have to prove my smarts to myself, instead of just waltzing through the routine that had snuck up and taken over parts of my life.

so. as an update: i'm challenged, i'm scared, but more than all that, i'm really darn excited.

and i'm craving a banana split.

interview tomorrow

i responded to an ad on craigslist for a part time receptionist at a salon here and got an email the very next day, which i'm choosing to believe is a great sign. i'd love for it to be something than can transition into full time, for sure, because...it just sounds perfect, something at which i could really excel.

either way, if i do get it, even if it's only part time, it'll certainly be more money than i'm making now (which is none, just to be clear).

in the meantime, i strolled around town the other day in the 100 degree heat filling our applications and dropping off resumes. hopefully that bears more fruit than the efforts of april.

for now, i'm enjoying just being here. it's more expensive than i ever thought, moving, but we're doing okay. a quiche is in the oven as i write, made with eggs from my neighbor and cheese and local broccoli, and all that good stuff. dinners with my boyfriend, what a treat!

i had gotten accustomed to sorta snacking at the restaurant and calling it, plus my shift drink "dinner." it's nice to be able to make things and sit at a table and be normal. refreshing.

we'll see what happens on the job front, but send me some good vibes tomorrow afternoon, so i can at least have something...

when i come back home, to this sweet new wonderful home, i'd love to have good things to report over the dinner table with my love.

en souhaitant des bonnes nouvelles, mes amis...

we made it! now what?

so we're here and mostly moved in and have been for exactly a week. it feels like less time and so much more simultaneously--one moment it feels like we've been here for years and the next, it's like we moved in yesterday. we're still getting accustomed to everything--new neighbors, new sounds, new smells, where everything is, where to go, what to do, who to meet, what to eat, what to spend our non-existent money on, the whole deal.

if you ever want to test your relationship with someone you are under the impression that you love, move with them. it is trying. nate and i have done a decent job with this. every now and then, we get frustrated and very rarely, if at all, with each other, but when you don't know anyone else and no one returns your calls, and you're stuck with that one person...well, we were bound to take out a couple things on one another.

but it certainly hasn't been bad and i think we've passed a test of sorts, going through this and not wanting to kill each other. in fact, it's made us closer and that must be a good sign. now everyone who keeps asking, 'when are you getting married?!' the answer can be sooner rather than later. probably.

so i'm sitting here, still in my pajamas, eating french bread and brie and fresh garlic, because i'm that much of a weirdo. the animals are all settled in and resting, napping, as they do. i'm looking past my computer and out the sliding door at my deck, because i have one. it's gorgeous. huge and freshly painted and wonderful. i can't wait to have visitors, and we can hang out there and have some beers and watch the woods that are my backyard.

we still have to put up pictures, paint some bookshelves, put away books. but that's the fun part. all the lifting and sweating and pushing and tears...that part's over.

now it's the decorating and buying and trying to find a job in the midst of it all. but i have an interview this week, for a part time receptionist position at a salon, which should be fun for me. and it's something. and there are more possibilities on the horizon, i can feel it.

for now, it's fun for me to try a little something new while i try to figure out what exactly it is i want to do with my life.

bonne chance a moi!