the last time i wrote, it was almost spring and here it is, almost fall. well, sort of. as almost fall as it can get, i suppose. earlier today i was laying out at the pool, soaking up what i keep thinking is the last bit of sun and heat and i'll be doing that until they lock up the pool, because i like it. it's sauna-like and cleansing, and i enjoy the light reading that always accompanies it. don't worry, i'm using sunscreen, everyone.
i am ready for some brisk weather. just that slight edge of crispness in the air. and, in no way does fall here compare with virginia (or saratoga springs, for that matter, which i experienced last year), but fall is fall and fall is nice.
i'll take any and all changes i can get these days. if that means something as simple as the slightest dip in temperature, so be it. i've been craving change. novelty. something big, but something small will do. i'm definitely ready to move.
unfortunately, i'll have to wait for the big move. after visiting carrboro/chapel hill, nate and i decided for sure we would plan to move there. it's as perfect for us as we thought, if not more so. a small town, but with stuff happening everywhere. a bit more idea of weather and seasons, which is a welcome change. here, it's just summer, summer, summer, then grayness that people call winter. no snow, no colorful fall, just heat, heat, heat, then-boom-it's freezing. yes, that's an exaggeration, but come winter and during the middle of summer, that's always how i feel.
either way, enough about weather, because north carolina has even more going for it. great restaurants, great, interesting, diverse people, an aveda hair school, a real sense of community and hospitality. not 'southern hospitality,' where people ask how you are without the slightest interest in your answer, but real hospitality, where people are willing to answer your silly questions and show you around and are effusively into their town and proud of it. ask someone from carrboro/chapel hill, 'hey, you like where you're from?' and they'll write you a ten paragraph email going on and on about how awesome everything is, from the mall to the food to the grocery store to the trails you can go bike riding on. ask someone from here and the most common answer i've been receiving lately is, 'ehh...'
i know i sound like i'm down on where i am, and i am. and i can't move now, because i don't have the money and nate has to finish out the school year and i'd like to finish out the year at solstice, make some money, save up for hair school and moving and everything. and i like having this goal, the goal of north carolina, the goal of starting over, the goal of hair school and following some sort of path to an actual career.
sometimes i have to remind myself that it's a goal, something towards which i'm working, and i have to remind myself to be content for now. part of me feels like i'm waiting for my real life to begin. i know i've written about this before. i wonder if all those people my age, even the ones who seem so happy and settled, especially the ones who seem so happy and settled, feel the same way? are we all just ever so slightly lost, just waiting?
this has been quite a rambling entry, and perhaps my next will be more organized? one can only hope.
a la prochaine, mes amis.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
what a gorgeous day!
i've said it before, and i'll say it again: i wish i had a laptop, if only to be able to blog on my balcony in the sunshine. it's a beautiful day! it's the kind of day that lets me reminisce about studying in my bikini on front campus and lets me look forward to days at the pool with erica, drinking beers and talking about girly things. i love this kind of weather. sometimes i think maybe it's not fall that i hold in my heart as my favorite season, but rather spring. there's this sense of joy, of awakening, of everyone emerging from their coccoons of clothing, everyone shedding their skins of scarves and sweaters. i love opening my windows and turning my music up, of skipping past the melancholy winter songs and reveling in the super happiness of those catchy summery lyrics.
adding to my excitement and general contentment is the fact that april is soooo soon! i knew, as soon as i made plans, that march would drag, but in fact april is rapidly approaching and i couldn't be more ecstatic.
i'm so freaking excited about going to dc, visiting nate's family and friends and saying hello to everyone there, wrapping myself up in this sweet idea of city life, an idea from which i usually recoil, but vacations in nate's hometown with him are the best. he knows the tastiest places to eat, the most fun places to drink, the coolest people.
from there, we fly out to new york city! i've never been to nyc, never in my life, something that surprises most people who know me. but i've never been! it's true!
i can barely bear the idea of seeing caitlin again, it's just too wonderful a thought. by the time we see each other, it will have been almost exactly a year and a half since the last time we saw each other in person and while i'm thankful we've been able to keep in touch fairly well, there's just something so.much.better seeing her in person. i can't wait to see her beautiful face. i can't wait to see her smile, instead of hearing it through the telephone. she and i have something so special and not a day goes by when i don't relish our friendship and feel completely in love with what we have, but sometimes it gets so fucking tired, not seeing her.
this is the girl who, when we didn't see each other for a DAY, would shriek, 'i missed you yesterday!' and now it's been a year and a half. so to say i'm excited, and to overuse that word utterly, is an understatement. i'm thrilled, truly. and to able to share my very first trip with her is fabulous and then add nate to the mix, and it's almost ridiculous, the sheer perfection. a miniscule part of me keeps whispering in the back of my head, 'ohhh, emma, you better hope you don't get sick in april, becuase you're totally due for an illness.' i'm gonna be flooding my system with vitamin c, sunshine, and exercise. it will battle any and all of my vices.
from there, we head back to dc for a quick stop, then it's on to carrboro, NC! this is the place that nate and i have semi-decided we might want to make our home relatively shortly. however, we've never even been there! so we're gonna make a little day trip out of it. i think, weather-wise, it'll be fantastic timing and i'm anxious to feel out the sweet, small town that i think could be really perfect.
add to all of that amazingness the fact that sean will be nearby on april 27th and i'm going to go up and visit him while he's on tour, and april is shaping up to be the best month of the year!
j'ai voulu de partager avec vous, mes amis. vive les printemps!
adding to my excitement and general contentment is the fact that april is soooo soon! i knew, as soon as i made plans, that march would drag, but in fact april is rapidly approaching and i couldn't be more ecstatic.
i'm so freaking excited about going to dc, visiting nate's family and friends and saying hello to everyone there, wrapping myself up in this sweet idea of city life, an idea from which i usually recoil, but vacations in nate's hometown with him are the best. he knows the tastiest places to eat, the most fun places to drink, the coolest people.
from there, we fly out to new york city! i've never been to nyc, never in my life, something that surprises most people who know me. but i've never been! it's true!
i can barely bear the idea of seeing caitlin again, it's just too wonderful a thought. by the time we see each other, it will have been almost exactly a year and a half since the last time we saw each other in person and while i'm thankful we've been able to keep in touch fairly well, there's just something so.much.better seeing her in person. i can't wait to see her beautiful face. i can't wait to see her smile, instead of hearing it through the telephone. she and i have something so special and not a day goes by when i don't relish our friendship and feel completely in love with what we have, but sometimes it gets so fucking tired, not seeing her.
this is the girl who, when we didn't see each other for a DAY, would shriek, 'i missed you yesterday!' and now it's been a year and a half. so to say i'm excited, and to overuse that word utterly, is an understatement. i'm thrilled, truly. and to able to share my very first trip with her is fabulous and then add nate to the mix, and it's almost ridiculous, the sheer perfection. a miniscule part of me keeps whispering in the back of my head, 'ohhh, emma, you better hope you don't get sick in april, becuase you're totally due for an illness.' i'm gonna be flooding my system with vitamin c, sunshine, and exercise. it will battle any and all of my vices.
from there, we head back to dc for a quick stop, then it's on to carrboro, NC! this is the place that nate and i have semi-decided we might want to make our home relatively shortly. however, we've never even been there! so we're gonna make a little day trip out of it. i think, weather-wise, it'll be fantastic timing and i'm anxious to feel out the sweet, small town that i think could be really perfect.
add to all of that amazingness the fact that sean will be nearby on april 27th and i'm going to go up and visit him while he's on tour, and april is shaping up to be the best month of the year!
j'ai voulu de partager avec vous, mes amis. vive les printemps!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
new post!
so here i am, 2009, back with a new post. how terribly exciting.
i've been reading back through all my France Journals lately (yes, i capitalize) and realizing how much i've grown since then, and for so many different reasons. it's self-absorbed, sure, but only in the most positive manner, i'm maintaining.
i've been writing more lately, in my real journal (because sometimes, most of the time, a blog simply won't cut it), so for those who ever get to read it, some of this may be a bit repetitive (nate.)
but if you, the general you, the you who read this whoever you may be, ever get the chance to read something old, from years ago, from a different time, from a different you, be it a journal, a diary, an essay, a letter, a to-do list, whatever it is, whatever you call it, you get to see this amazing journey you've taken.
a bit about mine: from france until now, so from....2005 until 2009, four years, it's insane to see the evolving.
from subsisting on cafe cremes and expensive cigarettes to maintaining a relatively healthy diet (and smoking less expensive cigarettes...and drinking less expensive coffee), from skipping classes to a newly developed real sense of work ethic (consider this: we're open six days a week. i work five, consistently. for quick, crazy hours at a time, granted, it's a restaurant, but still), from my almost neverending wails of 'where is the boy for me?!' to this boy of mine.
from completely overdrawing from every account known to any bank to which i belonged (seemingly, at least) to opening a savings account, paying my bills on time, paying my rent, paying my credit card, paying all my many, many loans. from binge drinking until the wee hours of morning to enjoying a couple beers after work and making it to bed by midnight.
it's the little things, it's the Big Things, it's everything. and while this blog illustrates an almost-too responsible (?) person, i think there's still a certain element of fun, of daring, of enthusiasm that i bring to the table, in any and all situations.
and to read back over the Journals, it's even more interesting to see what's stayed the same, a constant of sorts for years, if not decades. my passion for art, my love and appreciation of nature, of people, of observation. my love for my friends, my support for them and my resolve for them to always be near to my heart if not near in physical proximity. sean. caitlin. stephenie. my love for my school. my interest and curiosity in south carolina and society here, these customs that were more foreign to me then than anything in france, remain just as foreign. my desire to love with all of my heart, just one person, just one man, to be completely enveloped by a powerful, restorative kind of love, that longing, that yearning, that need...it's been realized in the most special and beautiful of ways.
i'm just so thrilled, really, to be me. and i love to write, and to read, and to remember, and to record everything so i can fully realize all of it, while it's happening, after it's happened, and look forward to all the new adventures.
and i have every confidence that the adventures are ready for me.
i've been reading back through all my France Journals lately (yes, i capitalize) and realizing how much i've grown since then, and for so many different reasons. it's self-absorbed, sure, but only in the most positive manner, i'm maintaining.
i've been writing more lately, in my real journal (because sometimes, most of the time, a blog simply won't cut it), so for those who ever get to read it, some of this may be a bit repetitive (nate.)
but if you, the general you, the you who read this whoever you may be, ever get the chance to read something old, from years ago, from a different time, from a different you, be it a journal, a diary, an essay, a letter, a to-do list, whatever it is, whatever you call it, you get to see this amazing journey you've taken.
a bit about mine: from france until now, so from....2005 until 2009, four years, it's insane to see the evolving.
from subsisting on cafe cremes and expensive cigarettes to maintaining a relatively healthy diet (and smoking less expensive cigarettes...and drinking less expensive coffee), from skipping classes to a newly developed real sense of work ethic (consider this: we're open six days a week. i work five, consistently. for quick, crazy hours at a time, granted, it's a restaurant, but still), from my almost neverending wails of 'where is the boy for me?!' to this boy of mine.
from completely overdrawing from every account known to any bank to which i belonged (seemingly, at least) to opening a savings account, paying my bills on time, paying my rent, paying my credit card, paying all my many, many loans. from binge drinking until the wee hours of morning to enjoying a couple beers after work and making it to bed by midnight.
it's the little things, it's the Big Things, it's everything. and while this blog illustrates an almost-too responsible (?) person, i think there's still a certain element of fun, of daring, of enthusiasm that i bring to the table, in any and all situations.
and to read back over the Journals, it's even more interesting to see what's stayed the same, a constant of sorts for years, if not decades. my passion for art, my love and appreciation of nature, of people, of observation. my love for my friends, my support for them and my resolve for them to always be near to my heart if not near in physical proximity. sean. caitlin. stephenie. my love for my school. my interest and curiosity in south carolina and society here, these customs that were more foreign to me then than anything in france, remain just as foreign. my desire to love with all of my heart, just one person, just one man, to be completely enveloped by a powerful, restorative kind of love, that longing, that yearning, that need...it's been realized in the most special and beautiful of ways.
i'm just so thrilled, really, to be me. and i love to write, and to read, and to remember, and to record everything so i can fully realize all of it, while it's happening, after it's happened, and look forward to all the new adventures.
and i have every confidence that the adventures are ready for me.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
well, i suppose we'll start with britney...
did you watch that documentary on mtv the other night? you did, just admit it. 'no questions went unanswered. no topic was off limits.' really? REALLY? then where were the questions about adnan? about the hospital visits? why didn't we get a real answer about her shaving her head because her whole, 'a lot of people shave their heads' is bullshit and everyone knows it. she does, her 'interviewer' does, and we all do. for more of what i think about this 'expose,' go to
www.fourfour.typepad.com
i agree with him. in other, related, news, i bought a couple songs from her new album. i'll defend myself with the 'it's good to work out to, repetitive, basic, i don't think about her silly lyrics,' but they are awful damn catchy.
onto more important topics, however...the election came and went, my very first election. and while i wouldn't say i got totally into it, as i'm still a fairly apolitical person, i did get really excited, and i did get some tears in my eyes when obama got elected. and i'm looking forward to the future. even though we are officially in a recession, for some reason, there's still hope there. and that reason is obama. and i think to a certain extent, the young people, my generation. i think we're all worried about money, but we've all got the optimism and positivity to sorta sit back and be happy that we have our jobs, however meaningless they sometimes seem, and however burnt out we sometimes feel.
i watched that funny or die video today, about prop 8, etc. (look it up--it's got jack black as jesus. you can't miss it.) gay marriage can save the economy!
i feel stuck in columbia these days, but not necessarily in a bad way even. there are reasons for me to be here. i really want to enroll in cosmetology school in the spring and of course there just so happens to be a very qualified one right by my apartment! isn't that neat? so i'm trying to save up money in order to do that in the spring. at the same time, i'm trying to make rent this month. now is probably not the time to be saving up for some seemingly-impossible goal. oh well. i've never been one for timing. it IS exciting realizing what i want to do in life, however. for the first time, really, in twenty four years. so i'll stay in columbia, with my little job and my little income, and i'm grateful. and we'll see where it goes.
and i'm going to go ahead and say something really really cheesy and that is there exists no recession in my heart. i'm rich in pretty much every other way but the obvious. i love my little family here. my cat, my dog, my boyfriend. visits with my mom, who's become a friend as we've aged. the occasional but always necessary talk with old friends, caitlin, sean, everyone who knows me best and knows the real me. my faraway friends. for as slow as people say southern people are, they don't seem to take the time to get to know anyone.
which i believe i've touched on before in this very blog!! wow!
either which way, that was my itty bitty catch-up blog. une autre bientot, je vous promets.
a votre!
www.fourfour.typepad.com
i agree with him. in other, related, news, i bought a couple songs from her new album. i'll defend myself with the 'it's good to work out to, repetitive, basic, i don't think about her silly lyrics,' but they are awful damn catchy.
onto more important topics, however...the election came and went, my very first election. and while i wouldn't say i got totally into it, as i'm still a fairly apolitical person, i did get really excited, and i did get some tears in my eyes when obama got elected. and i'm looking forward to the future. even though we are officially in a recession, for some reason, there's still hope there. and that reason is obama. and i think to a certain extent, the young people, my generation. i think we're all worried about money, but we've all got the optimism and positivity to sorta sit back and be happy that we have our jobs, however meaningless they sometimes seem, and however burnt out we sometimes feel.
i watched that funny or die video today, about prop 8, etc. (look it up--it's got jack black as jesus. you can't miss it.) gay marriage can save the economy!
i feel stuck in columbia these days, but not necessarily in a bad way even. there are reasons for me to be here. i really want to enroll in cosmetology school in the spring and of course there just so happens to be a very qualified one right by my apartment! isn't that neat? so i'm trying to save up money in order to do that in the spring. at the same time, i'm trying to make rent this month. now is probably not the time to be saving up for some seemingly-impossible goal. oh well. i've never been one for timing. it IS exciting realizing what i want to do in life, however. for the first time, really, in twenty four years. so i'll stay in columbia, with my little job and my little income, and i'm grateful. and we'll see where it goes.
and i'm going to go ahead and say something really really cheesy and that is there exists no recession in my heart. i'm rich in pretty much every other way but the obvious. i love my little family here. my cat, my dog, my boyfriend. visits with my mom, who's become a friend as we've aged. the occasional but always necessary talk with old friends, caitlin, sean, everyone who knows me best and knows the real me. my faraway friends. for as slow as people say southern people are, they don't seem to take the time to get to know anyone.
which i believe i've touched on before in this very blog!! wow!
either which way, that was my itty bitty catch-up blog. une autre bientot, je vous promets.
a votre!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
july 19th?!
i haven't blogged since july 19th and that is fucking stupid-long. if i didn't have to head to work in approx. 20 minutes (thus a pressing necessity for pre-work smokes), i would blog today, by golly! but again, fair (or fairweather) readers, you shall have to wait for all my words of wisdom(and all the other ones, also). i am in a parenthetical kinda mood this afternoon. perhaps tomorrow, i will be more clear-headed (and easier to read?)
only time will tell...
la patience est un vertu...
only time will tell...
la patience est un vertu...
Saturday, July 19, 2008
vote!
so i know i haven't blogged in forever ever ever, but i will really quick here to tell all who reads this to please vote for me in this silly little 'campaign' on brickfish.com!
i could win a trip for two to nyc, clothing from project runway winner christian siriano ('fierce!'), and styling by the project runway stylists. you can vote at least every day, so do !!
thank you!
http://www.brickfish.com/edzunker
i could win a trip for two to nyc, clothing from project runway winner christian siriano ('fierce!'), and styling by the project runway stylists. you can vote at least every day, so do !!
thank you!
http://www.brickfish.com/edzunker
Friday, June 6, 2008
i know, it's been awhile.
patience, my friends.
i haven't been writing, because i've been WORKING. a lot. and when i'm not working, all i want to do is hang out with my family, my boyfriend, outdoors, at the pool, in the sunshine. so hanging out on a computer all day isn't appealing. yet. as the weather continues to heat up, trapping myself indoors will probably sound like a fantastic idea. fuck, i always forget how hot it gets here. every summer seems like it MUST be more humid than the one before. the memories we repress, i suppose...
a thought to end this entry:
kaitlin said something last night about how we should be honest and brutal with our opinions. we all sorta assumed she meant towards the customers. a ridiculous request is responded to with a scoff and a rolling of the eyes, that sort of thing. but she meant towards each other. which almost seems like a good idea, but on a night like last night, i think it would have ended up in one of a few scenarios: a firing, a quitting, a bitch slap, verbal abuse, and/or tears. there's always something so stressful about working in a restaurant. and especially when it's busy. and especially when it's understaffed. and especially when the same few people have to see each other almost every single day. i work almost every day and last night, i couldn't get to sleep without at least five different 'server nightmares.' i guess that's why waiter rant exists, though. so people don't have to be honest and brutal to someone's face, they can do it anonymously on the internet. and i guess that kind of liberty would be nice, but i don't think i have anything terribly mean to say to anyone. i just wish i had the power to tell people to get over themselves and work together as a team and i would get some sort of reaction, some real response.
i wish people would listen.
so i guess that's why i have my blog. to get it out there and feel like i've made some small contribution. i don't have the balls to say it to someone's face, someone with whom i have to work almost every single day, but i have the balls to at least say it. and i guess that's something...?
au pouvoir, mes amis, le pouvoir de changement.
i haven't been writing, because i've been WORKING. a lot. and when i'm not working, all i want to do is hang out with my family, my boyfriend, outdoors, at the pool, in the sunshine. so hanging out on a computer all day isn't appealing. yet. as the weather continues to heat up, trapping myself indoors will probably sound like a fantastic idea. fuck, i always forget how hot it gets here. every summer seems like it MUST be more humid than the one before. the memories we repress, i suppose...
a thought to end this entry:
kaitlin said something last night about how we should be honest and brutal with our opinions. we all sorta assumed she meant towards the customers. a ridiculous request is responded to with a scoff and a rolling of the eyes, that sort of thing. but she meant towards each other. which almost seems like a good idea, but on a night like last night, i think it would have ended up in one of a few scenarios: a firing, a quitting, a bitch slap, verbal abuse, and/or tears. there's always something so stressful about working in a restaurant. and especially when it's busy. and especially when it's understaffed. and especially when the same few people have to see each other almost every single day. i work almost every day and last night, i couldn't get to sleep without at least five different 'server nightmares.' i guess that's why waiter rant exists, though. so people don't have to be honest and brutal to someone's face, they can do it anonymously on the internet. and i guess that kind of liberty would be nice, but i don't think i have anything terribly mean to say to anyone. i just wish i had the power to tell people to get over themselves and work together as a team and i would get some sort of reaction, some real response.
i wish people would listen.
so i guess that's why i have my blog. to get it out there and feel like i've made some small contribution. i don't have the balls to say it to someone's face, someone with whom i have to work almost every single day, but i have the balls to at least say it. and i guess that's something...?
au pouvoir, mes amis, le pouvoir de changement.
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