blogless weekends

it's monday and i'm back to blogging.

again, however, i seem to be at a loss for subjects about which to write. there's the usual humdrum 'i'm listening to some fun music these days,' 'i'm getting my hair trimmed again this wednesday,' 'the gym was kinda' awesome today' jibber jabber, but i don't feel like writing about that, because i have a sneaking suspicion that kind of thing is only interesting (and not even that much) to me.

but i don't want to sit here and analyze why i don't have anything about which to write and make that an entire entry. that's just silly.

the other day i was thinking about my living situation and wondering how others could perceive it. i think i had read someone else's blog or something to that extent to inspire this thinking, but i got kinda involved. because there are so many different ways to perceive my (i think) fantastic situation. there are those who will look at it as 'living in sin.' probably not many of those these days, but i'm sure they exist somewhere. then there are those who look at it as me maybe being dependent on a man. i've never lived alone, really. i mean, i had my own room last year at macon, sans roommate, and i've lived with a french family in an entirely different country and didn't have THAT much interaction with them, really, thus feeling like it was almost my own little space, but i haven't lived alone and i wonder if people look at where i am and feel sorry for me that i haven't had that experience.

i certainly am not sorry. for several reasons, foremost of which is that i'm completely in love with the man with whom i share my living space, but in addition, he's gone until the afternoon, when i've already left for work, so i really feel as though i get that experience of being independent and myself and solo all day long, and then i get to come back home to someone who loves me every night.

so really, the true question is how many people envy me?

and not in a bitchy way, i'm not trying to be like that, but here i was, the other day, thinking this all through, smoking a cigarette and just sort of sitting here, like, wow, i'm very lucky. because i do get the best of both worlds.

i get my share of alone time, which is something i believe is absolutely impossible to live without, and i get my share of lovey time, and i get to feel like i'm part of something. i look around this apartment, and it's beautiful to me, because it's such a representation of US, not me nor him.

i like feeling part of an 'us.' and not in some silly, portrayed on television cheesily kind of way, but a true way, where i just feel so content, always.

even when the two of us are sort of 'off' or 'weird' either physically or emotionally or mentally and even when we get into our silly almost-but-not-even 'fights,' i'm always content, because it's all part of the 'us' that i love so much.

even when i miss caitlin all the way in nyc or i'm still sort of getting over/struggling with the fact that i am becoming a really responsible woman and i'm no longer a crazy college student whose main worry is finishing her senior paper, even when i take that stress out on him, or even when he's tired at the end of the week and doesn't feel like doing anything, i love the process of getting past all of it, and deciding together what to do about everything, be it staying in just snuggling together and being together and being able to comfort each other in a way that no one else can, or going out and having such a fun time, just the two of us, together and having that be not even enough, but surpassing enough...i don't know, this isn't where i expected the blog to go today, but there it is, these things that i've been thinking about as i drive my car to the grocery store, as i make coffee, as i take the dog for a walk, as i run on the treadmill at the gym.

there's definitely more that i wanted to write about today, but i think that was sufficient for one entry.

i'm a very happy girl. living in sin suits me well, thank you.

live.it.up.
em.